A Lone Activist Survives the Shelter System

A Philly native talks about life inside the city’s homeless shelters -- and getting kicked out of one for his activism (the author’s name and other identifying information have been removed to protect the innocent).

By Anon

The shelters are like a warehouse of men. Guys who go to work have to fill out a “late return.” And you can fill out the paperwork, but if the person on duty doesn’t put it in the proper place, you lose your bed.

They put everybody in a classification that comes from Narcotics Anonymous, that you couldn’t manage your life, so somebody has to do it for you. “We’re gonna strip you down and build you back up, and we’re gonna make you the man that you couldn’t be.” To a person who, you’re having trouble with your wife, and you have a home, if you could just patch things up. People might have mental health problems, you might have HIV, or had a disaster, like a fire. Some just got out of jail. Some guys are coming out of rehab. But I’ve found that I’m 45 years old – you can’t strip me.

They want to manage your money. You use the shelter’s address, and you can get welfare benefits. You pay shelter fees, and then you put most of the rest of the money into a savings plan. When I was living in another shelter, I needed carfare to go be with my wife, but they said I had to pay those shelter fees or they were going to kick me out. My wife has cancer. I felt that saving money would mean nothing if my wife was to pass away.

I had to involve some higher-ups, so I talked to a gentleman my city council person’s office. After that, it seemed like I was on a blacklist. Two people the next day were badgering me. They come around in the mornings and say, “get out of bed.” I was getting dressed, and the one woman said, “I better not say nothing to him, because he’s going to tell the politicians on me.” I didn’t say anything back.

The day I had a colonoscopy, I went back to the shelter and they had cut my locks, packed up everything and had it in a big tub, and said, “You’re out of here.” A person comes into the shelter with all they own, their worldly possessions. And I said, “Look, I’ve got this note from my doctor, I need to rest,” but they kicked me out. I had to lift my belongings.

They said, “We feel that you’d be better suited somewhere else.” Some of the shelters are run like jails. The one they tried to send me to after that, nobody wants to go up there. One time, I just got there, and somebody broke in the soda machine. But their theory is, “Don’t nobody tell who did it, then nobody can’t go out.” What about the guys that got to go to work? What about that I have a doctor appointment? While I was there, I came down with Scarlet Fever, and I went to the hospital. I never got my stuff back.

That’s why people don’t have faith in the system. And my savings, at the shelter that kicked me out, they say it’ll take 4 business days to get it back -- it took a month. Even if you did take that money and put it to an apartment, you’ve got first month’s rent, and security. Where’s next month’s rent going to come from? You’re selling me this dream, and it’s unworkable. It’s a puff of smoke.

The present place I’m at, it’s cold as ice. It’s a gymnasium. This is just for the winter initiative -- it’s going to dissolve at the end of March. We sleep on cots. We arrive at the gym about 12 midnight, and we have to get up at 5. I’m sleep-deprived. I’m not getting any younger. I can’t stay up past 9 o’clock at night. I fall asleep in the chair, I find a little corner. And really, they don’t want to you fall asleep. They come wake you up. I get waked up about 10 times a night, before 12 o’clock. I get this thing when I sit down too long now. The doctor was saying something about a sciatic nerve.

There’s so much unprofessionalism, it’s a shame. I think that people who work in this capacity need to listen. I would let people express themselves, and I think I would get a better response. Rather than “OK, shut up, let me tell you what I want you to do.” They’re provoking people. A guy could come there and be at his exceeding limit, and they’re not trained to notice anything like that. Something could trigger him, and he goes into a rage. –––
The person that talks to themselves on the street, you’ll find that they’re really saying something. Maybe we can’t connect with it, but they’re saying something that relates to why they’re in the situation that they’re in. It’s like a skipping record. Maybe it’s a secret, and they’re holding it in, and they never had anybody who would listen to them. How do we get them back on track? It doesn’t always have to be that they don’t want to participate in life, it sometimes comes down to a mental health problem. It’s not so much the drugs. The drugs are a means of escaping whatever pains they’re feeling. And then society says, “After work, it’s Miller time.” It really makes me take note of how misdirected I was on how to enjoy my life. Where I was a follower, I don’t have to be that follower.

People get homeless, and at that time, the barriers drop and we come together and help each other. It’s amazing. You really need a belt, and he takes the belt off his waist, if you’ve got an interview or something. It’s not the shelter giving you clothes, it’s other guys giving you clothes. It feels good when guys in the shelter say, “How’s your wife doing? Is she getting around alright?” It’s guys that if you looked at them, you’d never think they had it in them like that – big, tough guys. You’re all depressed, but you’re sitting in there, and you find something to laugh about. It sounds crazy, and you’ll be like, “What are we laughing about? Look where we’re at.” But a little stupid thing happens -- it could be bad, but we find something to laugh about. I guess that’s what lets you know you’re still alive.

Most of the shelters, they’re going to be making them leave soon, because they’re in a family section and nobody wants to see homeless people. This is the next thing that’s coming up. Where Ridge shelter is, they’re refurbishing an old hotel to make condominiums around the corner from one of them to make condominiums. That shelter’s not going to be there in a couple of years.

During the mayoral election, with the Vote for Homes campaign, I went out with Project HOME and got people to vote, and we had a homeless rally at City Hall. We had the candidates come out, and we shot some questions at them. And they gave us their plans for homelessness in the city. So far, none of what they said came up or anything. When John Street was mayor, the shelter system stayed the way it was. Nutter’s mayor now, and the only thing they’re offering is transitional housing. If it’s private-run, that’s like a slumlord. You’re going from living with a bunch of men to living with less men. If you had your own little room, in a sense, then you’d have your self again.

In order for a person to take care of themselves mentally and physically, be nourished, take their medicine, you name it, every person should have a home. That’s just one of your rights. It’s across the world, really, that people are homeless. My solution would be to build small homes, big enough to sleep two people, a kitchen, bedroom, sitting area, and bathroom, solar heat and electric. If people had homes, went back to being families that ate at the same dinner table and went to church and interacted with their kids, it would counteract a lot of the violence. My father took us places, me and my friends, like out to the park after school to play baseball.

I’ve got to be with my wife. I want to have my granddaughters over and play with them on the floor. Without all that, I’m like this 4th class citizen. I have no sense of belonging, in a place that gets paid for me to sign my name, but I can’t stand in front of the building. They say, “Go walk down the street.” Well, all of us stay here.

But it’s like I’m some kind of protester when I open my mouth. Because I knew enough to go and see somebody, they were like, “Oh, we don’t want him, because if what he’s got is catching, we’ll be in real trouble.” But that’s what they need. You can’t be a lone activist and have some punch. Everybody looks at you like you’re crazy – like you’re at the Phillies game and you’re rooting for the Padres. And they’re like, “he must be nuts.”